love    Oh wow ! Can’t believe it’s already been 6 years since we talked for the first time…

“Taylor Swift is her favorite singer that’s all I know.” my friend said when I asked him if he knew anything about you. That’s the very first thing that I got to know about you and was very happy to know we had a common favorite. I had heard your name quite a few times earlier no doubt because of the fact that you were one of the popular girls in the school but never had the guts or reason to speak with you. It’s not a big surprise that a lot of boys had crush on you but I thought I had never felt that way until one day I realized I just didn’t have crush on you but was madly in love with you.

“Love” sure is a difficult word to interpret but I guess that’s what it is… not meant to interpret but to feel. Ah that feeling when you know you’re in love… I had never felt anything like that before. Sure I was a teenager(16) back then and didn’t really know what falling in love was like or was it even love or just a mere attraction but now at this age I surely do know what it was… It was the first time that I fell in love.

I’m pretty sure now that the first few days I must have creeped you out. All those times I kept staring at you whenever I got chance to see you and I wouldn’t leave a single chance to see you even if it was just a glimpse. A few days later your best friend too noticed it and told you about it. I know it because right after that moment you both were looking at me and trust me I was scared to death at that time. I never had the guts to talk to you but well what are friends for right ? They were there encouraging me to talk to you  whenever I had the chance. Finally that one day I waited for you on the way from where you used to get home. I don’t know what gave me the courage to talk to you because the very moment I saw you far away, my heart had already lost its rhythm. I was so stupid to ask for your number right away and there’s no surprise that you didn’t give it. Anyways as they say where there is a will there is a way, getting your number wasn’t much of a hard work and wow I can so clearly remember our first meet, our first conversation and my first text to you 😀 .

3 months later we were very good friends and were pretty close too I know that. You were the first girl who had called me and I had talked to over an hour on the phone. A lot of things had changed since the first time we talked. I always had to send someone to call for you whenever I wanted to talk to you during lunch but the day you yourself showed up in my class and we chatted for the whole lunch break, that day was one of the best days of my life. Then as days went by I passed my 10th, went to high-school but things were still same… we were still the same.

Then something changed…one day all of a sudden. I don’t know how but it felt like everything changed in a moment. You’d no longer pick my call or reply my text and even if you did I could sense the difference… that you were pushing me away. I know you were never my girlfriend and we were never in a relationship. When you told me not to propose you, though I had everything planned up, I was shattered yet I did what you said because the thing we had was more than enough for me even if it was just being your friend and not your boyfriend and I didn’t want to lose that. But now those feelings knowing that you were trying to push me away, that hurt more than anything. I could tell it by your voice. I was really hurt and cried my heart out. It had been 2 years since the first time I talked with you and I was still in love with you the way I was before. And then some months later it all stopped – our conversation.

My friends who know about me and her say that I was never in a relationship with her so it shouldn’t have been hard for me. Back then too they consoled me saying the same thing and I simply agreed with them. But deep down only I knew how much hard it really was. 3 years had passed by since I first talked to her and we no longer were  friends. Sounds filmy and unbelievable but I could always sense her presence around. Whenever I had a feeling like she is around somewhere down some street or around I tried not to go that way but thanks to my friends ended up going that way and seeing her too and this happened not once or twice but many times.

Then I went out of country for study and returned home after a year on holiday. We had a friends gathering one day and I was going there with a friend in a bus when I brought her topic into the conversation and asked him if he had seen her and how she was doing. He tried to change the topic but I told him that I wished to see her and had a weird feeling like my wish might come true and well 5 mins later she was in the same bus. I know it’s a mother of co-incidence and although she ignored me and was like she didn’t even see me but I was happy seeing her after a long time.

Today, 6 years later from when it all began, here I am writing about how I met you, started talking to you, became close and then far. Lots of things have changed since then. I don’t know whether you remember me or not. We had few moments together and I’m very much sure you don’t remember any of them. But what hasn’t changed is my feelings for you. I love you the same way I did back then and maybe even more. I still get Goosebumps and chill down my spine when I hear someone saying your name. Back then I loved you without understanding anything and today I love you after understanding many things. Even today when I have some alone time, you are always there in one of my thoughts. Whenever I am full out drunk yours is the first name that comes to my mind and my mouth. Still what has changed is the way I take it and I guess that’s what being matured is called. From the first day to past years I have always hoped to get you and wished for us to be together till last breath. I always hoped that one day we meet again and things go back to the same way and this time we go past beyond the friendship. But now I know that somethings can never happen how much I wish for it. Its true that I can never fall for someone the way I fell for you, can never love someone the way I loved you and at the same time its also true that we won’t be together again. Wherever you may be I always wish you to be happy and keep smiling. You certainly are the most beautiful girl and person I’ve ever met. It doesn’t matter that you were never in love with me ; doesn’t matter that we aren’t friends anymore… what matters to me is that I learned what falling for someone means, what loving someone means, what 1st love feels like, what true love really means… I will always love you.

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